Ok, since I'm bored and I figure many of you are going nuts because of it, here's the translation of the French entry. It isn't a direct translation, because as you all know, word usage is different in all languages, and a direct translation may sound kind of odd in English.

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It has been a long time since I've written an entry in this Xanga or even anything in French. Therefore, I must say to those who can understand the language that you have to excuse the bad grammar here!

Anyway, I must say 'sorry' to you all. I admit that I've been hiding for almost a month. I've tried to read all that you've written, but for some reason, it has been difficult to write comments. Without commentary, the Xanga system can't function as a community. Maybe I've been a little lazy? I don't know exactly.

But on the other hand, I must also thank you for the entries in your Xangas. Moreover, I admit that it's hard for me to reveal all the reserved moments of my life or my personality. In place of long journal entries, I've used pop songs that simply suggest the truth. As a result, I don't believe that those words suffice because they're not mine.

I think it's better that I change a little. I have been fascinated by your stories, songs, and poems that tell of your feelings of joy, sadness, curiosity, nervousness, and, perhaps, feelings that are concerned with love: fortunately, newly found love, and unfortunately, lost love.

And therefore, for about 7 months with Xanga and more than 4 years with LiveJournal, I have refused to admit to you all -- and to myself -- an undeniable fact: now, I'm not searching for something unknown or strange. I'm not searching for a new job, a new college major, or a new song.

I'm searching for someone else, a person who isn't simply a (female) friend but more than a friend. I know that I'm not a Shrek who is looking for his Fiona, a Beast who is looking for his Belle, or even a Prince Charming who is looking for his Snow White. Very simply, I'm just a 'geek-man' who likes to speak other languages, and I don't know what I'm going to do.

Also, I know that these thoughts are very selfish. At the same time, I think my thoughts are natural ones. I know that there are many people who have problems. But of course, I won't forget the problems of others. Although I'm in the course of searching for love right now, I know that there are people who have recently lost love. I have been spending time helping others with their problems, and I will never stop doing that. I will continue to think of my friends and help them, too.

Ok, I'm done for today (or really for the whole week, because I've spend a week to write this entry!). I don't know when I'll translate this journal entry in English, but for those who can't understand French, I hope that they're aware of this site.

And when I escape from the cage of my job, I'll play a more active role in the Xanga community. I thank you for your eyes, who read my thoughts, and your fingers, who type in advice.

I decided to stay home today since I was feeling quite lousy healthwise last night.

I took off the song playing in the background because it really did sound depressing, and when I wrote that entry in French, I really wasn't depressed. Like I mentioned in ComfortableFit's comment, I believe that there's a difference between being unhappy and feeling that something is missing in life.

As a courtesy, however, I've provided the lyrics to the song here. Don't get me wrong: it certainly is a good song in terms of lyrics, but perhaps an inappropriate one.

I want to tell if I am or am not myself
It's hard to know how far or if at all could go
Waiting far too long for something I forgot was wrong
I don't know all the answers I think that I'll find
Or have it within the time but it's all that I'll have in mind
Until I fall away
That won't keep us waiting long
Until I fall away
I don't know what to do anymore
Until I fall away...

My fear pretend that I'll never be in love again
It's real to me but not like these fools and not like this scene
I won't find or have it within the time
If it's all rusted and fade in the spot where we fell
Where I thought I'd left behind
It's loose now but we could try
Until I fall away
I won't keep us waiting long
Until I fall away
I don't know what to do anymore
Until I fall away...

When there's no good answers
To those new questions
Another personal disaster
There's nowhere to go but down...

C’était vraiment longtemps puisque j’ai écrit un article dans ce Xanga, même quelque chose en français. Donc, je dois dire à ceux qui peuvent comprendre la langue qu’il faut excuser la mauvaise grammaire ici !

Alors, il est nécessaire que je dise « désolé » à vous tous. J’admets que je me suis caché pour presque un mois. J’ai essayé de lire tout ce que vous avez écrit, mais pour quelque raison, c’était difficile d’écrire des commentaires. Sans commentaires, le système Xanga ne peut pas fonctionner comme une communauté. Peut-être j’étais un peu paresseux ? Je ne sais pas exactement.

Mais d’autre part, je dois même vous remercier pour les articles à vos Xangas. En plus, j’admets que c’est difficile pour moi de révéler tous les moments réservés de ma vie ou ma personnalité. Au lieu des articles longs, j’ai utilisé des chansons populaires qui simplement suggèrent la vérité. Enfin, je ne crois pas que ces mots suffisent parce qu’ils ne sont pas les miens.

Je pense qu’il vaut mieux que je change un peu. J’étais fasciné par vos histoires, chansons, et poèmes qui racontent de vos sentiments heureux, tristes, curieux, nerveux, et, peut-être, les sentiments qui s’agissent d’amour : heureusement, l’amour trouvé et malheureusement, l’amour perdu.

Et donc, pour presque sept mois avec Xanga et plus de quatre années avec LiveJournal, j’ai refusé d’admettre à vous tous -- et à moi-même -- un fait indéniable : Maintenant, je ne cherche pas quelque chose inconnue ou étrange. Je ne cherche un job nouveau, ni une nouvelle majeure à l’université, ni une nouvelle chanson.

Je cherche quelqu’un d’autre, une personne qui n’est pas simplement une amie mais plus qu’une amie. Je sais que je ne suis pas un Shrek qui trouve sa Fiona, une Bête qui trouve sa Belle ou même un Prince Charmant qui trouve sa Blanche Neige. Tout simplement, je suis juste un homme « geek » qui aime parlent autres langues, et je ne sais pas ce que je vais faire.

En plus, je sais que ces pensées sont très égoïstes. En même temps, je trouve que mes pensées sont naturelles. Je sais qu’il y a beaucoup des gens qui a quelques problèmes. Mais bien sûr, je ne vais jamais oublier les problèmes des autres. Bien que je sois en train de chercher l’amour maintenant, je sais qu’il y a des personnes qui a récemment perdu l’amour. Je passais mes temps à aider les autres avec leurs problèmes, et je ne vais jamais arrêter de faire cela. Je vais continuer à penser de mes amis et les aider aussi.

Alors, je suis fini pour aujourd’hui (ou vraiment pour la semaine entière, parce que j’ai passé une semaine à écrire cet article !). Je ne sais pas quand je vais traduire cet article en anglais, mais pour ceux qui ne peuvent pas comprendre français, j’espère qu’ils connaissent le site ici.

Et quand je m’échappe de la cage de mon job, je vais jouer un rôle plus actif avec la communauté de Xanga. Je vous remercie pour vos yeux, qui lisent mes pensées, et vos doigts, qui tapent vos conseils.

arguably the song that made him famous, billy joel's piece entitled 'piano man' provides us with an insight of how music brings solace to all of us regardless of the frustrations we experience in life.

those of us working can also symphatize with him, haha.

(this song is about 5 min in length so it will take a longer time to d/l.. sorry folks)
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It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son, can you play me a melody?
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' all right

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talkin' with Davy who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone

(piano bridge)

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
As the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' all right

- Billy Joel, 'Piano Man'

assuming i passed my final...

i'm finally done with grad school!!!

ok, i can't get too excited yet. i need to get the grade first.

honestly though, i don't even feel like i've accomplished much. i guess because it just seems like it was something i had to do rather than something heading towards a goal. after all, i was studying in the same area as my undergraduate years.

i'm really not sure if i'm making any sense here, lol. i think it might be time for bed.

while going through my playlist this week, i encountered this canto-pop song by gigi leung based on a very old song from one of those classic american (or british? not sure) movies. what's playing now is john denver's 1975 rendition of the original song.

in this song, the lyricist, randy sparks, reminds us that we have to focus on the present rather than focus on the "million tomorrows" that make up our future or the "yesterday's glory" that make up our past.

but yet, i feel that it's so difficult not to think about the future or what's happened in the past, so i personally believe that this song challenges all of us.

sometime i'll post the cantonese version once i have time to translate the 80% of the characters in the song that i don't know, lol

--

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today

I'll be a dandy, and I'll be a rover
You'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what the morrow shall bring

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today

I can't be contented with yesterday's glory
I can't live on promises winter to spring
Today is my moment, now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today

- Randy Sparks, 'Today'

here is a song that i believe is primarily about dreams. this particular piece reminds me of all of those times where i've dreamt, sometimes very vividly, of other people in an unknown place while in a slumber. i would then wake up wondering who exactly they were and where exactly i was in the dream.

does this situation sound familiar to any of you? comments welcome.

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i didn't hear you leave
i wonder how am i still here
i don't want to move a thing
it might change my memory

oh i am what i am
i'll do what i want
but i can't hide
i won't go
i won't sleep
i can't breathe
until you're resting here with me
i won't leave
i can't hide
i cannot be
until you're resting here with me

i don't want to call my friends
they might wake me from this dream
and i can't leave this bed
risk forgetting all that's been

oh i am what i am
i'll do what i want
but i can't hide
i won't go
i won't sleep
i can't breathe
until you're resting here with me
i won't leave
i can't hide
i cannot be
until you're resting here with me

- Dido, 'Here With Me'

since i'm sick now.. a poem I wrote a long time ago, haha. (no fever, actually, just some kind of sinus problem)

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it creeps up, sluggishly, delib'rately
sudden sickness, hard to defeat, it is
the one-oh-two plagues my mind and body
much sweat from the advil i cannot miss
attempts to combat it, valiantly,
along with hope and prayer to assist
and what never fails, creativity.
i sit writing, thoughts linger and persist
for these words, at the moment, now tell me
that it is time for deep repose, for rest.

g'night everyone.
- me, 'the fever', 4/18/2002 11:37pm

thanks to shrek..

oh wow... talk about nostalgia.. this morning i also found this rather lame poem that i wrote at work almost 3 years ago. it's been untranslated, however, so this time i'll translate it for you folks who aren't francophonic, lol.

sans titre

je dors
je mange
je me promène
je cours

j'apprends
je vais
je reste
j'entends.

je crois
je pense
je parle
je vois.

alors,
tiens...
je cherche:

c'est pourquoi.

translation: untitled

i sleep
i eat
i walk
i run

i learn
i go
i stay
i hear

i believe
i think
i speak
i see

ok then,
hey...
i'm searching:

that's why.