July 31, 2005

  • almost finally out of words…

    Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
    Oh things are gonna happen naturally
    Oh taking your advice I’m looking on the bright side
    And balancing out the whole thing

    Oh but at often times those words get tangled up in lines
    And the bright light turns to night
    Oh until the dawn it brings
    Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

    Cause you and I both loved
    What you and I spoke of
    And others just read of
    Others only read of the love
    Oh the love that I love

    See I’m all about them words
    Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
    Hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words
    More words than I had ever heard and I feel so alive

    Cause you and I both loved
    What you and I spoke of
    And others just read of and if you could see now
    Oh love, love, you and I, you and I
    Not so little, you and I anymore
    Mmm hmm
    And with this silence brings a moral story
    More importantly evolving
    Is the glory of a boy

    Cause you and I both loved
    What you and I spoke of
    And others just read of
    And if you could see me now
    Well then I’m almost finally out of
    I’m finally out of
    Finally de de de de de de de
    Well I’m almost finally finally
    Well I am free, oh i’m free

    And it’s okay if you had to go away
    Oh, just remember the telephone
    well, their workin it both ways
    But if I never, ever hear them ring
    If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
    Finally found you someone else and that’s okay
    Cause I’ll remember everything you sang

    Cause you and I both loved
    What you and I spoke of
    And others just read of and if you could see me now
    Well then I’m almost finally out of
    I’m finally out of
    Finally de de de de de de de de
    Well i’m almost finally
    finally out of words

    - Jason Mraz

July 22, 2005

  • slightly lost in translation

    I was walking up Fulton Street one
    day after work, once again relieved that a tiring workday had come to a close. As
    I passed the Broadway-Nassau subway station, a young Chinese woman
    approached me.

    “Excuse me,” she said in accented English, motioning to
    me as if to signal that I should stop my New York-style pace back
    home.

    I turned around to face her, a little startled from the slight
    interruption to my banal return commute.

    The woman began speaking in a
    tongue that at first I could not discern. Looking closer, she seemed to
    be roughly my age, give or take a few years. Judging by the appearance
    of her face, she could have very well been one of fujianhigh‘s cousins. Fukienese,
    I thought to myself, as I heard the young lady utter some familiar
    tones akin to what I’ve previously heard from friends originally from
    that region.

    I glanced at the woman and nervously paused as if to
    indicate that I did not understand. At that point, I knew exactly what
    I had to do.

    Ni zhao shenme difang?” I asked in what could be regarded as the most butchered Mandarin accent and grammar known to humankind. Which place are you looking for?

    She
    then proceeded to utter about ten seconds of fleeting Mandarin that I
    was barely able to understand. In fact, I don’t recall any of her words
    except the words “Henry Street.”

    In response, I held my head up high
    with my thumb and forefinger touching my chin. Several seconds of brain
    time had to be dedicated to decoding the Mandarin using my limited
    vocabulary.

    Ok, I thought, I know where Henry Street is, but how do I describe in my bad Chinese how to get there?

    My mind drew nothing but a void, and as a result, I quickly replied to her in a panicked voice: “Ni ting bu dong…You don’t understand…

    At that moment, I mentally hit myself in the head. What are you saying? That made absolutely no sense.

    The
    self-inflicted mental punch caused my head to sink in resignation.

    “Um,” I said sheepishly, “do you understand English?”

    She paused for a
    second, then nodded. “A little bit,” she replied. I then continued to
    give her directions in English.

    After we briefly waved each other
    good-bye, my mind began to spin in overdrive with what I could have
    said in the language I studied for the equivalent of one year. I felt
    embarassed and perturbed, as I always do when a situation such as this
    one occurs.

    ~~~

    On the way home today, I thought about the above incident and
    the rather long entry I wrote about my dream. I realized, once again,
    that the knowledge is indeed lodged somewhere within the confines of my
    brain and simply needs to be unlocked.

    I dreamt of a classroom that
    night. Maybe it’s time to make that classroom a reality yet another
    time. I probably won’t survive a calculus class , but I think learning Chinese all over again might be a better, more practical idea.

July 13, 2005

  • school days, school days, dear old golden rule days

    The dream opened in a classroom brightly lit with those telltale fluorescent lights. There didn’t seem to be an instructor in the front of the room, but either way it mattered little to me. My eyes were completely focused on a series of problems that involved the use of calculus. All were solved except for the mysterious thirteenth exercise, for which I had only half a page of markless blank space.

    As the other students began to pack up their books and scurry out of the room, I continued to stare at the thirteenth exercise. How do you do this problem, I muttered to myself. I was so immersed into the problem that I didn’t even notice myself beginning to pack my own
    books.

    Reality, at least the version of reality in this dream world, must have set in as I turned around to face a fellow classmate. For some reason, I wasn’t surprised to see her, but in the real world, I hadn’t actively spoken to her since the ninth grade, about twelve years ago.

    “Yeah, I’ll still be working on these tonight. I guess I’ll let you know or something,” I spoke with a tired stutter, letting out a mild sigh.

    “Me too. Maybe I’ll call you or something,” she said matter-of-factly.

    “Yeah, let me know if you get number thirteen.”

    With that, she left, and after I had finished packing my books, I found the classroom eerily empty. Realizing that I was probably late, I walked quickly out of the room, only to find that the hallway was empty as well.

    Instead of a large crowd of students, I only saw a stairway leading up as well as what could only be a hall monitor sitting at a desk. The very dimly lit area was a sharp contrast to the blinding white ceiling lights of the classroom.

    I felt lost at that moment, so I decided to pull out the thin piece of paper containing a list of my classes.

    On the leftmost column listing the names of the classes, I could barely make out the word “LANGUAGE” since the faded print was nearly illegible. Its corresponding entry under the room number column looked like it read “5TRUE.”

    Then I noticed the hall monitor was staring at me suspiciously. I took out another square sheet of paper from my bag and gave it to the hall monitor, who promptly signed it.

    “You should be in room 563. Just go up the stairs,” the man indicated dutifully as I pointed to what I thought read “5TRUE.”

    Perplexed, I strolled awkwardly toward the staircase, gaping at the printed schedule in disbelief. This can’t be room 563, it says 5TRUE!

    The hall monitor must have somehow been able to see the look on my face with my back turned towards him, since he answered reassuringly, “Don’t worry, you’ll find it.”

    In response, I turned my head and nodded, then jogged quickly up the stairs.

    Upon arriving at the second floor, I stopped abruptly in my tracks, once again in a state of shock. A small foyer area with carpet of a burnt sienna color greeted me. My eyes were almost blinded by the yellowish incandescent light, the source of which I could not deduce. It was so bright that I felt as if it were speaking to me.

    Glancing towards my left, I noticed that the walls, also of a sienna color but of a lighter shade, framed two sepia doors with the classic rounded copper doorknobs reminiscent of those found in offices and homes built during the 1960′s. I was able to turn the knobs, but the doors wouldn’t open.

    “O.K., yeah, whatever,” I shrugged aloud.

    At the end of the room was another staircase, also carpeted in sienna, leading in an upward direction. This time, I proceed cautiously. This doesn’t look like a school anymore, I thought to myself.

    I found myself standing in a tiled kitchen area. Thanks to the blinding yellow lighting, I could not make out the room in detail. I do remember it being cozy, however, and oddly, the kitchen only had cabinets, a stove, and a sink. The room contained no tables or chairs, and the countertop was completely devoid of cutlery.

    After about ten seconds of perusing the area as if my eyes were a movie camera, I sighted another door (same color and style of doorknob of course) towards the left side of the kitchen’s far end. I was able to open this door, and a room full of teachers sitting around an oval table looked at me intently, as if I didn’t belong in the room.

    “Um, is this room 563?” I asked nervously.

    A female teacher, whose wavy hair and face framed with glasses was very familiar to me, turned her head towards me. “No,” she responded in a stern voice. It bothered me immensely that I could not (and still cannot) match a name to her countenance.

    I swiftly exited the room and closed the door. For some reason unbeknowst to me, I said aloud, “Maybe it’s the P.E. meeting.” P.E.? Huh?

    As I passed the kitchen area, I realized that I was there for a language class and ran back towards the door. I opened the door, and that unidentifiable teacher once again turned her head towards me.

    “Uh, is this the Language meeting?” I implored with as innocent a look as I was able to muster. Meeting?! Why did I say that?, I added to myself as I mentally hit myself on the head.

    “No, it is not,” she deadpanned.

    I retreated in resignation, this time in a slower fashion. As I headed back down the stairs to the first floor within the dream, I awoke abruptly.

    ~~~~~

    At that moment, the events of the dream flashed through my head as I headed for the bathroom.

    That was early Monday morning. To this day, I still wonder what the dream meant. I have always dreamed of unfamiliar places and people. However, this time, the people were familiar. It’s equally interesting that the place was completely unfamiliar (a school that I’ve never seen before), yet the dream was extraordinarily vivid.

    I know you are probably all exhausted from reading my lengthy prose (sorry folks), but any interpretations are welcome from all you Xangans out there..

July 12, 2005

  • Thanks to trinz for the link. Most of it makes sense, except for the ‘female cliche’ part. A bug in the test, perhaps, since it does ask you for your gender?

    Advanced Global Personality Test Results

    Extraversion 36%
    Stability 46%
    Orderliness 60%
    Altruism 76%
    Interdependence 63%
    Intellectual 56%
    Mystical 43%
    Artistic 56%
    Religious 83%
    Hedonism 10%
    Materialism 23%
    Narcissism 23%
    Adventurousness 30%
    Work ethic 56%
    Self absorbed 50%
    Conflict seeking 10%
    Need to dominate 30%
    Romantic 76%
    Avoidant 56%
    Anti-authority 63%
    Wealth 10%
    Dependency 56%
    Change averse 43%
    Cautiousness 63%
    Individuality 30%
    Sexuality 30%
    Peter pan complex 10%
    Physical security 90%
    Physical Fitness 84%
    Histrionic 36%
    Paranoia 70%
    Vanity 16%
    Hypersensitivity 70%
    Female cliche 23%

    Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
    personality tests by similarminds.com

July 4, 2005

  • je suis ici et je t’attends… où es-tu, je ne peux pas te trouver

    My brother gave me this song some time ago; it’s reportedly one of the songs on a video game soundtrack (Silent Hill 4?).

    Although the song is dark in nature, I like its depiction of what can be described as two complementary forces: waiting and searching. The mood and the vocals are reminiscent of songs by Evanescence.

    (Some notes about the lyrics: According to what I have read in forums, this song may be representative of a conversation from one character to another. The part about the “Mom” referenced in the song, from what I have read through forums, is in the context of the game’s plot. Please let me know if I’m totally off base, thanks.)

    ~~~

    Your gentle voice I hear
    Your words echo inside me
    You said “You long for me, that you love me”
    And I want to see you too, feels just like I’m falling
    Is there nothing I can do, wonder if you hear my calling

    I’m here and waiting for you
    Where are you, I can’t find you
    I’m here and waiting for you
    I’ll wait forever for you

    Mom’s gone to Heaven now
    Why won’t she come back down
    Does she have someone she loves more than me

    I thought I could love you better, we were always together
    If we took some time apart you would finally know my heart

    I’m here and waiting for you
    Where are you, I can’t find you
    I’m here and waiting for you
    I’ll wait forever for you

    I fell in love with you and now you’re gone
    There’s nothing left within my lonely room without you

    I’m here and waiting for you
    Where are you, I can’t find you
    I’m here and waiting for you
    I’ll wait forever for you

    I’m here, I’m waiting for you
    Where are you, I cannot, I cannot find you
    I’m waiting for you
    Where are you
    Where are you

June 30, 2005

  • From various xangas:

    1. Total number of books I own or have owned
    2. Last book(s) I bought
    3. Last book I read
    4. Five books that mean a lot to me
    5. Two major books when I was a kid.

    And the answers….

    1. Total number of books I own or have owned: I can’t really count them, lol. I own several books related to computer science, languages, cooking, humor, travel, religion, and other subjects.

    2. Last book(s) I bought: Colloquial Cantonese, which hasn’t come in yet, and a 2-volume set entitled Amoy Hokkien, a rare find on Amazon that teaches my native language.

    3. Last book I read: If they mean cover-to-cover, I believe it is Dune by Frank Herbert. That, however, was a LONG, LONG time ago, I am embarrased to add. Nightly reading includes Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith. The last few books I’ve read a bit of or looked at for reference include Basic Cantonese: A Grammar and Workbook (nerdish train reading baby ), the books used for my Mandarin class, and my Tagalog-English and Cantonese-English dictionaries.

    4/5. Five books that mean a lot to me and two major books when I was a kid:

    I honestly don’t remember When I was younger, I used to read authors such as Agatha Christie, Stephen King, Michael Crichton, among others.

    During my early college years (particularly, around the time I was confirmed at age 18), I used to read the Bible daily. Somehow, though, it has faded…

June 21, 2005

  • By request  from anonymouswish, I’m reposting the haiku I was pondering over. I finally realized what the problem was; the poem I formerly numbered II simply did not relate thematically to the others. Hence, I’ve given it a marking of (*), and I’ll put it aside for future use.

    I

    as Night calmly stirs
    he speaks with crickets chirping:
    “Day is just a blur.”

            2005.03.07

    II

    slow, steady retreat
    unadulterated Bliss
    floating in a dream

            2005.03.14

    III

    there, clear blurriness
    wanders unbeknownst to me
    solace in the mind

            2005.06.08


    (*)

    Light: seems so distant
    Night: yearns for inspiration
    but Hope: always there

            2005.03.13

  • For me, it seems that the only thing that comes out of staying home is being lazy. That’s no good, lol.

    Starting tomorrow night, I’ll start hanging out again at Panera Bread
    just like we used to a while back. I have a web page to work on,
    languages to learn, books to read, etc. etc. I won’t go there every day
    of the week, but maybe two or three times in a given week.

    It’s also imperative that I start going to bed early. I’ve, for a long
    time, always disliked this “I can’t sleep” business. That way, I can
    start running in the morning like I’ve always wanted to ever since I
    graduated five years ago. Sigh..

    I’m track to go to bed at 2am.. a whole 35 minutes earlier than last night, heh.

    Note to self: MUST GET ON WITH LIFE!!!

June 8, 2005

  • Here’s something I haven’t done in a long while… Laziness has overshadowed my creativity over the past few months, lol.


    IV (continuation of the series from March)

    there, clear blurriness
    wanders unbeknownst to me
    solace in the mind

June 7, 2005

  • This time, from shrek_azn‘s xanga…

    You Were Actually Born Under:
    You’ve
    got a ton of energy – and need plenty of room to roam.You tend to
    follow your whims, and it’s hard for you to stick to one thing.Specific
    jobs, loves, and friends are always changing and never a part of your
    life for long.Very intuitive, you tend to know what people are thinking
    before they say a word.You are most compatible with a Dog or Tiger.
    You Should Have Been Born Under:
    You
    are totally loyal, faithful, and honest.However, you don’t trust others
    to be as ethical as you are!Straight forward and direct, you really
    aren’t one for small talk.You are a great listener – and an agreeable
    companion when you’re in a good mood!You are most compatible with a
    Tiger or Horse.